The following sketch is a commercial parody written for Sketch 101 at the Upright Citizens Brigade in NYC.
INT. UPPER CLASS HOME - LAUNDRY ROOM - DAY
A WOMAN, early 40s, sorts through a basket of dirty laundry. She is overdressed for laundry duty in a skirt and blouse. Her make-up and hair are that of a perfect Stepford Wife. She lifts a men's collard dress shirt from the heap. She touches the collar, revealing a deep red lipstick stain.
WOMAN
My husband works hard. And when he works
late or comes home after a week-long business
trip to Cancun, I trust only one thing to get these
hooker stains from his clothing: Denial.
The woman inserts her husband's stained dress shirt into the washing machine.
CU of woman's hands pouring the detergent into its measuring cap and then slowly pouring it into the machine.
She pours another cap full and drinks it like a shot of whiskey. She winces at it burns going down.
WOMAN
Tide and Gain just don't do the trick. Only Denial
removes those unwanted stains and the stench
of cheap perfume and severed marriage vows.
CUT TO:
INT. TEENAGE SON'S ROOM - EARLIER THAT DAY
Clothes are scattered on the floor. The woman walks in with a laundry basket under her arm. She frowns, but proceeds to pick up after her son. She sniffs a T-shirt and with a look of disgust, tosses it into the basket.
CUT TO:
INT. LAUNDRY ROOM - DAY
WOMAN
And you just never know what your teen is up to.
Denial will lift the scent of weed and unmet expectations
right from his clothes in one easy wash!
The woman places her son's clothes into the washer along with the remainder of the dirty pile. She takes another shot and then slams the washer's lid down as if it has done her some terrible wrong.
INSERT - SPLIT SCREEN
On the left side is the husband's dress shirt with a lipstick stain on the collar. This side reads "Tide." On the right side is an identical shirt clear of stains. This side reads "Denial."
INT. LAUNDRY ROOM - LATER THAT DAY
The woman, eyes glazed over, pulls the dress shirt from the dryer and holds it up with pride. The lipstick stain is still there. She avoids looking at the shirt and talks as if trying to convince herself.
WOMAN
No stains whatsoever! It's like I never even saw them.
A CELL PHONE RINGS. The woman answers.
WOMAN
Hello? Oh, hi honey. You'll be working late again
tonight? Okay!
The woman hangs up with a strained smile and reaches for the Denial detergent atop the dryer. She pours it into the its cap and raises it like she's about to give a toast.
WOMAN
Looks like I'm going to need more Denial.
She takes the shot.
CUT TO:
INT. KITCHEN - DAY
The bottle of Denial sits by an open window. The sky outside is a bright blue. BIRDS CHIRP in the distance. A breeze moves the white lace curtains along the window and they grace the bottle.
INT. LAUNDRY ROOM - DAY
The woman is almost incapable of standing upright. Mascara streams down her cheeks as she grips the bottle of Denial.
WOMAN
Without Denial, I'd kill myself!
BLACKOUT.